why we write.

"we write because we die.

we write because we must let go, take leave, pass on. words are an attempt to hold the moment, though even as we hold it, it passes....and we know it.

writing is a balm for grief. it's only two real subjects are death and love...or love and death: eros and thanatos...which are aspects of each other.

we only grieve where we have loved, and only love where there is the potential for grief. yet, we also know that life is a process of learning non-attachment because all things pass, flow, elude our grasp.

this is our human dilemma.

we are attachers who must learn non-attachment, lovers who must learn to let go, and grievers who must learn the deep joy that underlies all grief.

so, we patch grief with proverbs, knowing that the patches barely cover our wounds.

the wounds themselves are precious. they hurt us into healing."
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So this is why. This is why I decided to start a blog. Writing, for me, is like an old friend that I used to know well. One that I forgot long ago for seemingly more important things. But truly what happened was that I forgot myself, for a time. It seems as though until about a year ago, my life was some sort of dream, lost in all of the promises this society hands out like candy. Somewhere along the way I woke up, cleared the fog out of my vision, allowing me to truly see. I realized that these promises were made by people just as fooled as I was. I had to find my own way. I could no longer wait around on the world to tell me I was adequate, desirable, beautiful, when to stop and when to go. I had to clear my own path, remove all that stood in my way. Define myself. Define beauty for myself. Define success for myself. Redefine all that I thought of the world...all that I thought of myself.

This stripping away process has left me "pure". It has taken me to a place where I can truly see and feel myself for the infinite, innocent, pure creature that I was at birth...before the world told me who I was. I want to document this journey. The love. The grief. The laughs and screams. All of it. I feel that one aspect of life that may be lacking is our inability to understand, connect, and relate to other human beings, in and through their own journeys. Sometimes I wonder if anyone other than my few "soul-mates" understand what I'm feeling, where I am. How much more beautiful would the world be if humanity could become more connected, unified? My hope is that this blog will allow more connectedness to flow through my life and others. All that you read is raw and it's truth, at least for today.

My hope is to understand life more deeply.

I want to see beauty every day, even when it is not pretty.
I want to write truth even when words are hard to say.

Welcome. :)